Lez Talk - Best Friend Break Up

by Siona Sandrine

We don't talk about it. There's no songs on the radio that give us release as tears stream down our face. There's no Hallmark cards that give sympathy or condolences for our grief. There's nothing. But best friend break ups are some of the most gut wrenching, rib cracking, earth shattering things that can happen to us. No chocolate is ever enough.

We never plan them. When we get into a relationship, there's an idea that things might not work out- that a break up could happen. If it does, we have our friends to call and lean on. They tell us we'll find better, give us tough love while letting us sob on the floor, and eventually you're back to going out together, dancing and owning your single lives. But best friends aren't supposed to leave you. When you become friends with someone there's no potential end in mind. It's a different kind of "till death do us part." If you're not in a relationship, you're an empowered single human ready to be independent cause you "ain't need nobody!" If you don't have your best friend, then what are you?

Some break ups happen just by growing apart or changing schools or cities. However other times it's a betrayal you never saw coming. A fight that goes too far. They drunkenly hook up with the person you're seeing. Or perhaps worst of all, just a normal conversation where something slips out, and suddenly you realize your friend never knew you at all. No matter how it happens, this kind of break up can change your heart in a way a relationship break up doesn't even come close. It's not a breaking of the heart; it's a breaking of the spine. The thing that held you up and kept you strong is suddenly gone.

I wish I knew a way to end this with something inspirational. I wish I could articulate some uplifting perspective or battle cry for redemption. I don't have that. Maybe that's why I'm writing this. Maybe this is my song on the radio; my Hallmark card of condolences. Maybe it's okay to not be okay and not have a solution right away. The only thing I will say is please hold on to each other. This world is filled with chaos. It's a shame to define ourselves by our mistakes. So she was drunk; forgive her. So the fight was bad; don't just mail back their things without even a letter or goodbye. If they never knew you, maybe you never knew them. Hold on to the people who actually do see you and honor you. You can't lose something you never truly had.

It's been said we are a reflection of the five people we spend the most time with. Despite the best friend break ups I've had, I've still got my 5 that I'm really proud to have. So check in with your five. Maybe the best friend break ups we experience open up room for a better reflection of ourselves in the end.